Simple Life

School got out on June 8.  Tomorrow will mark 20 days of summer vacation.  I gotta say, I'm kind of over it already.  I know that some of you out there look forward to this time of year because it means less responsibility, more time with the kids, etc, etc.  But for me, it means less responsibility and more time with the kids.  Same sentence, different points of view I guess.  I have been a stay at home mom for 10, almost 11 years.  Yeah, I've had a job outside the home for a lot of that time - Starbucks, teaching childbirth classes and being a doula, and substitute teaching (we are not got to count the full time gigs in Japan, since I miss it like crazy.  Would go back in a minute.  Not even going to talk about it...) but they were all tiny, little things meant to give us a few extra bucks, nothing that powered my mind or drove me to greater things.  My main thing was momming.  All day, night too.  But now, 10+ years in, I'm ...

This blog - it has morphed into something much more meaningful than I intended it to be.  Originally it was simply a way to keep people in the US in the loop as to what was going on in our lives when we were gone.  Over time I became close with this blog, developed an open and honest relationship with it, and now have come to depend on it.  It's like a diary I guess, or a journal, but in a more open and powerful way.  I can say what I want here and not worry about being interrupted.  I can be (and have always been) completely honest.  I can share things that I wouldn't otherwise share because my currency is the written word not all folks accept that tender. I guess what I am saying is that for those of you that signed on to read about adventures and excitement and are now feeling let down by what may seem lackluster - feelings, struggles, growth, and victories...I apologize, and I don't.  I've been wanting to write here for a while but haven't  as...

Jaxon is allergic to everything that grows from the ground.  He started showing symptoms around age 3 or 4 I think, although I cannot be sure as I am terrible and remembering the whens of life.  He had all the classics - runny nose, stuffy nose, itchy/red/watery eyes, sore throat, coughing fits, and headaches.  He also had some other stuff - skin rashes, eczema, stomach aches and (I'm sorry buddy) poop issues - mostly very soft stuff. I wanted him to feel better - several doctors and many tests later I had a variety of answers to play with.  It took about 3 years of looking into it all but we found out the following: Jaxon is highly allergic to many trees, grasses, and weeds.  March through October is basically hell for him. Jaxon is allergic to peanuts. Jaxon has two alleles that predispose him to Celiac disease.  He was not diagnosed with Celiac as that is tough disease to diagnose.  It requires a stomach biopsy.  No thanks.  It ...

When a rule is broken, does the reason or intent behind the infraction matter? Or is the only considerable measure the fact that the rule itself was not followed?  I cannot answer this with a solid answer - my reasoning here is all wavy like a big bowl of melting Jello.  How serious was the rule? How badly was it broken? Was is broken-broken or just kind of bent or chipped broken?Who broke it? Why? It is not black and white to me at all. Scenario: Lillian and Jaxon have each broken the same rule at school and only Jaxon is being punished. This is the story of Jaxon's life.  All the other kids can be running around with scissors, wearing shirts with guns, and calling each other names and he will get caught skipping down the hall and be punished.  I'm not saying he does not deserve it - he does, as he is often breaking the rules, but he is always the one caught.  I think he just does everything so much louder, it's hard not to notice. This is a clear case of i...

About 10 days ago Jaxon and I were leaving our apartment to go to the store.  Jaxon was walking behind me toward the car and I was finishing up a text as we went.  Jaxon says, "Mom, why are you so mad at us all the time?  Did we do something?"  I cannot tell you how awful I felt in that moment, or how much shame and sadness it has caused me since. I'm sharing this tonight because I have to - I have to get all this self poison out so that tomorrow I can wake up lighter.  I have been pretty miserable since we got back - miserable inside and out.  I know this as I write this, with a painful clarity - and I knew it then too.  But then, just days ago, I was wallowing. I was so immersed in myself and my crap that I didn't really care what it was doing to those around me.  Even if I did care, I don't think I was in any place to do anything about it.  Now, I have not had any glorious epiphanies or self-revelations, no onslaught of good fortune to t...

I just spent part of the evening looking through old photo albums with the kids - we're talking non-digital photos, the kind that you had to take and wait for developing to see what you got. There were some pretty awful ones in there!  But I remember that I only took one photo, not wanting to waste expensive film.  Fingers would always be crossed that the one I took was great.  I couldn't wait to see them, pick them up from the photo counter.  Now it is so easy.  Take two or three, keep the best one.  Images live forever on our memory cards and hard drives now, as we just don't take the time to print them out. Anyway, as we were looking at the old photos of Lil and Jax as babies and very small people, they would ask a million questions, expecting me to remember every detail of every event on every page.  I couldn't, but I did my best.  It made me a little sad to look at photos and not remember the moment that they were taken.  I took some n...

Parts of this blog will be hard for me - because I am hard on me - so forgive me if I stumble.  It is no secret that we were kind of broke over in Japan.  We had almost enough money to live on without dipping into credit cards, but not enough if we actually wanted to experience Japan while we were there.  A major factor in deciding to come home was to start making a decent wage again that would allow us to save money, pay off debt, etc. Here's the part I haven't really talked about - due to a weird sense of shame or something like it.  You might think me foolish for feeling badly, but I do even though I can logically explain why I shouldn't.  Here goes - in Japan every person that is legally living in the country gets medical insurance and is able to see a doctor and get meds if needed.  The cost of the insurance is based on your family size and income.  Since we had no income the previous year our insurance cost us about $50 a month.  Had we st...