Jaxon
Jason and Lily went to spend a few days in Issaquah with Jason's Mom, Leslie. Jax had a dental appt. today so we stayed behind in Chelan. Today, I was reminded of a lesson Jaxon had taught me a few years ago. The lesson was just as confounding and clear today as it was when he was a toddler.
As a little one, Jaxon tended to be on the challenging side. I always found myself apologizing for his behavior. I was insecure about him - people were always commenting, "He's all boy!" I don't think that people meant to hurt my feelings, but it did. As a mother, you always want to have a well-behaved kid that people like. I felt that he wasn't well liked. One day his behavior was especially exasperating, and it was then that the lesson of Jaxon really hit me. I remember very clearly. We were at Macy's, Jaxon was strapped into an umbrella stroller. I was doing my usual dash through the store, as Lily was in preschool and our time was limited to just a couple hours before she needed picked up. All I wanted to do was get whatever I had set out for and get back to pick her up. Jaxon didn't want to be in the stroller. He didn't want to conform to my plans, he wanted to explore and do his own thing. It all boiled down to him wanting desperately to look at something, to learn about it, take it in,and me wanting to rush on by. He flipped, lost it. But, then, there it was. I realized in that moment that my life as Jaxon's Mom would be a whole lot easier if I remembered to value him, his time, and go at his pace once in a while. I needed to learn to look at the world in the way that he was seeing it, rather than just assuming he could see it my way.
It sounds simple. But....it is so not simple for me. I am a do ten things at once, accomplish everything on your list, skip the details, yada yada yada girl. Jaxon is a one step at a time, stop to smell the roses, understand the process first guy. I had to be the one to adjust to his needs, not vice versa. Anyone that has seen me in action with my kids knows that this is not a huge banner of success for me. I struggle daily to slow down and go at the pace the kids need me to go.
Today was a classic example; a bright, shiny reminder that with Jaxon, perspective is reality. If he has the perspective that he understands, that he has some iota of control, all will be well. We went the dentist this morning. Jaxon needed two fillings. We'd already tried to get this done once, without success. Today I went back with him. When it seemed to be a lost cause, when the *smiling* dentist was just about to throw in the towel - I remembered my Jaxon. I remembered that he needs to know what's going on. He will not blindly follow orders, he needs to know how and why, when and who. After setting up some rules, asking 100 questions, and being allowed to state all his objections, Jaxon happily went along with the procedure.
Yes, he is difficult. Yes, I sometimes wish for that kid that just does what he is asked. But, you know what? He's going to be amazing. He's going to be that guy that asks the right questions, and some of the wrong ones. He's going to lead people.
So, I am exhausted, but happy. I spent an hour battling Jaxon at the dentist, only to be reminded what I already knew. To get things done, sometimes you have to do it the other guy's way. Take a minute, look around, collect details before you move on...life is short but there is no hurry.
Thanks to SA. I remember sitting in your office one day, feeling apologetic for my Jaxon. You set me straight. You told me how you saw him, and I have never wanted to apologize for who he is since. You gave me hope when I felt none. Thank you.
As a little one, Jaxon tended to be on the challenging side. I always found myself apologizing for his behavior. I was insecure about him - people were always commenting, "He's all boy!" I don't think that people meant to hurt my feelings, but it did. As a mother, you always want to have a well-behaved kid that people like. I felt that he wasn't well liked. One day his behavior was especially exasperating, and it was then that the lesson of Jaxon really hit me. I remember very clearly. We were at Macy's, Jaxon was strapped into an umbrella stroller. I was doing my usual dash through the store, as Lily was in preschool and our time was limited to just a couple hours before she needed picked up. All I wanted to do was get whatever I had set out for and get back to pick her up. Jaxon didn't want to be in the stroller. He didn't want to conform to my plans, he wanted to explore and do his own thing. It all boiled down to him wanting desperately to look at something, to learn about it, take it in,and me wanting to rush on by. He flipped, lost it. But, then, there it was. I realized in that moment that my life as Jaxon's Mom would be a whole lot easier if I remembered to value him, his time, and go at his pace once in a while. I needed to learn to look at the world in the way that he was seeing it, rather than just assuming he could see it my way.
It sounds simple. But....it is so not simple for me. I am a do ten things at once, accomplish everything on your list, skip the details, yada yada yada girl. Jaxon is a one step at a time, stop to smell the roses, understand the process first guy. I had to be the one to adjust to his needs, not vice versa. Anyone that has seen me in action with my kids knows that this is not a huge banner of success for me. I struggle daily to slow down and go at the pace the kids need me to go.
Today was a classic example; a bright, shiny reminder that with Jaxon, perspective is reality. If he has the perspective that he understands, that he has some iota of control, all will be well. We went the dentist this morning. Jaxon needed two fillings. We'd already tried to get this done once, without success. Today I went back with him. When it seemed to be a lost cause, when the *smiling* dentist was just about to throw in the towel - I remembered my Jaxon. I remembered that he needs to know what's going on. He will not blindly follow orders, he needs to know how and why, when and who. After setting up some rules, asking 100 questions, and being allowed to state all his objections, Jaxon happily went along with the procedure.
Yes, he is difficult. Yes, I sometimes wish for that kid that just does what he is asked. But, you know what? He's going to be amazing. He's going to be that guy that asks the right questions, and some of the wrong ones. He's going to lead people.
So, I am exhausted, but happy. I spent an hour battling Jaxon at the dentist, only to be reminded what I already knew. To get things done, sometimes you have to do it the other guy's way. Take a minute, look around, collect details before you move on...life is short but there is no hurry.
Thanks to SA. I remember sitting in your office one day, feeling apologetic for my Jaxon. You set me straight. You told me how you saw him, and I have never wanted to apologize for who he is since. You gave me hope when I felt none. Thank you.
I love this one. I hope when I'm a mom, I can be as reflective as you. Luv ya!
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