Simple Life

I was really fortunate to face the school year with two job offers.  Living in the area that I live where there seems to be more teachers than jobs and everyone knows everyone, I was concerned that I would not find a position for myself.  The first job I was offered was to teach Math and Science with what I could tell was a great team of women at a really low income school.  The job was only .6, so not full time, but it was supposed to go full time before the year started.  I accepted.  I love science.  Not so much math.  I can do it but it bores me...I didn't care.  I was excited.  Then I got the offer to teach full time, language arts.  The team was less inviting but the day in, day out seemed better.  English over math? Yes please!  So I switched.  I have wondered since then if I made the right choice and I am often left in the corner thinking...no. Here are the blessings: first, two job offers in a pretty competitive environment.  Then, family was really supportive in helping

I started my period when I was 11 years old.  I remember going to the nurses office at school that day because my lower back hurt so badly.  It felt like nothing I had ever felt before, but was a feeling I would become quite familiar with.  Imagine there being a bowling ball inside your body, resting on your tail bone.  It causes pressure just sitting there.  That was a good day.  The bad days were when that bowling ball was being ground into my back - from the inside trying to find a way out.  Later, when laboring with Lily, that same feeling was there.  Lily was upside down and her head was resting on my tailbone.  The contractions that drove it deeper into the bone were killers.  So all those years of imagining my inner bowling ball were not that far off! In those first few years of cycling I would often seek out the hardest surface I could find and just lay on it, trying to flatten my back into it.  Our living room floor usually did the trick - a cement floor with a thin layer of

Now that summer is (almost) over for us I asked the kids what their favorite memories were.  We really didn't do much this year, but here are the highlights: 1) Camp Sealth Jason grew up going to Camp Sealth on Vashon Island every summer, first as a camper and later as a staff member.  This summer our two kids were able to go for their first time.  They loved it!  The camp was about a week long and they got to swim, tie dye, hike, sleep outside, ride a ferry, do archery, etc.  Both were nervous to go and be away from us for so long, but neither one was really ready to come home when it was over.  Both were already talking abut going next year before I had their suitcases in the trunk.  A good sign! The man with the kids is Paul Dudley, a Seattle area photographer that drove the ferry when Jason went to camp and is still doing it now.  Jason asked him to look out for the kids on drop off morning.  When Paul saw Lily he called out to her and Jaxon over the loud speaker o

School got out on June 8.  Tomorrow will mark 20 days of summer vacation.  I gotta say, I'm kind of over it already.  I know that some of you out there look forward to this time of year because it means less responsibility, more time with the kids, etc, etc.  But for me, it means less responsibility and more time with the kids.  Same sentence, different points of view I guess.  I have been a stay at home mom for 10, almost 11 years.  Yeah, I've had a job outside the home for a lot of that time - Starbucks, teaching childbirth classes and being a doula, and substitute teaching (we are not got to count the full time gigs in Japan, since I miss it like crazy.  Would go back in a minute.  Not even going to talk about it...) but they were all tiny, little things meant to give us a few extra bucks, nothing that powered my mind or drove me to greater things.  My main thing was momming.  All day, night too.  But now, 10+ years in, I'm hitting a wall.  Running on E.  I'm feeling

This blog - it has morphed into something much more meaningful than I intended it to be.  Originally it was simply a way to keep people in the US in the loop as to what was going on in our lives when we were gone.  Over time I became close with this blog, developed an open and honest relationship with it, and now have come to depend on it.  It's like a diary I guess, or a journal, but in a more open and powerful way.  I can say what I want here and not worry about being interrupted.  I can be (and have always been) completely honest.  I can share things that I wouldn't otherwise share because my currency is the written word not all folks accept that tender. I guess what I am saying is that for those of you that signed on to read about adventures and excitement and are now feeling let down by what may seem lackluster - feelings, struggles, growth, and victories...I apologize, and I don't.  I've been wanting to write here for a while but haven't  as there has been not

Jaxon is allergic to everything that grows from the ground.  He started showing symptoms around age 3 or 4 I think, although I cannot be sure as I am terrible and remembering the whens of life.  He had all the classics - runny nose, stuffy nose, itchy/red/watery eyes, sore throat, coughing fits, and headaches.  He also had some other stuff - skin rashes, eczema, stomach aches and (I'm sorry buddy) poop issues - mostly very soft stuff. I wanted him to feel better - several doctors and many tests later I had a variety of answers to play with.  It took about 3 years of looking into it all but we found out the following: Jaxon is highly allergic to many trees, grasses, and weeds.  March through October is basically hell for him. Jaxon is allergic to peanuts. Jaxon has two alleles that predispose him to Celiac disease.  He was not diagnosed with Celiac as that is tough disease to diagnose.  It requires a stomach biopsy.  No thanks.  It is enough to say that he has two genes t

When a rule is broken, does the reason or intent behind the infraction matter? Or is the only considerable measure the fact that the rule itself was not followed?  I cannot answer this with a solid answer - my reasoning here is all wavy like a big bowl of melting Jello.  How serious was the rule? How badly was it broken? Was is broken-broken or just kind of bent or chipped broken?Who broke it? Why? It is not black and white to me at all. Scenario: Lillian and Jaxon have each broken the same rule at school and only Jaxon is being punished. This is the story of Jaxon's life.  All the other kids can be running around with scissors, wearing shirts with guns, and calling each other names and he will get caught skipping down the hall and be punished.  I'm not saying he does not deserve it - he does, as he is often breaking the rules, but he is always the one caught.  I think he just does everything so much louder, it's hard not to notice. This is a clear case of injustice!  O

About 10 days ago Jaxon and I were leaving our apartment to go to the store.  Jaxon was walking behind me toward the car and I was finishing up a text as we went.  Jaxon says, "Mom, why are you so mad at us all the time?  Did we do something?"  I cannot tell you how awful I felt in that moment, or how much shame and sadness it has caused me since. I'm sharing this tonight because I have to - I have to get all this self poison out so that tomorrow I can wake up lighter.  I have been pretty miserable since we got back - miserable inside and out.  I know this as I write this, with a painful clarity - and I knew it then too.  But then, just days ago, I was wallowing. I was so immersed in myself and my crap that I didn't really care what it was doing to those around me.  Even if I did care, I don't think I was in any place to do anything about it.  Now, I have not had any glorious epiphanies or self-revelations, no onslaught of good fortune to turn my attitude around

I just spent part of the evening looking through old photo albums with the kids - we're talking non-digital photos, the kind that you had to take and wait for developing to see what you got. There were some pretty awful ones in there!  But I remember that I only took one photo, not wanting to waste expensive film.  Fingers would always be crossed that the one I took was great.  I couldn't wait to see them, pick them up from the photo counter.  Now it is so easy.  Take two or three, keep the best one.  Images live forever on our memory cards and hard drives now, as we just don't take the time to print them out. Anyway, as we were looking at the old photos of Lil and Jax as babies and very small people, they would ask a million questions, expecting me to remember every detail of every event on every page.  I couldn't, but I did my best.  It made me a little sad to look at photos and not remember the moment that they were taken.  I took some notes beside pictures, but of

Parts of this blog will be hard for me - because I am hard on me - so forgive me if I stumble.  It is no secret that we were kind of broke over in Japan.  We had almost enough money to live on without dipping into credit cards, but not enough if we actually wanted to experience Japan while we were there.  A major factor in deciding to come home was to start making a decent wage again that would allow us to save money, pay off debt, etc. Here's the part I haven't really talked about - due to a weird sense of shame or something like it.  You might think me foolish for feeling badly, but I do even though I can logically explain why I shouldn't.  Here goes - in Japan every person that is legally living in the country gets medical insurance and is able to see a doctor and get meds if needed.  The cost of the insurance is based on your family size and income.  Since we had no income the previous year our insurance cost us about $50 a month.  Had we stayed the cost would have go

Alright, so there are some nice things about being back - I'm loving having a clothes dryer and a dishwasher - so, so nice. TV - in English!  Superb! Calling friends and family without worrying about the time difference (although I still stop, try to figure out the time difference, then realize there isn't one) - very nice!  Being able to read labels again is nice to, except for the part that if you can read the label, you know what you are eating - good or bad - so there are no excuses.  It is great to be back in the land of the drink - meaning that I now have a choice of more than one brand of Vodka or wine.  But, buying the spirits in the store while I am picking up a loaf of bread - that's a little weird. Speaking of weird - I am catching myself screwing up daily on the road.  Either I am trying to drive on the wrong side or turning my blinker on when I am looking for my wipers.  Fortunately I have caused no accidents yet!  *Knock-knock.  And meat - not liking the bee

I've been meaning to post something - something to say that we are alive and well.  We are basically settled in our new place, the kids are registered to start school on Monday, and Jason has begun his new job.  I have an orientation to sub in a local school district next week and an interview for an open, full-time teaching position.  So, yeah, we are basically settled. I miss Japan.  I didn't think I would, at least not yet.  We didn't have much there, just a few friends, our little apartment, and a routine. We had our privacy, our anonymity.  We'll have most of that here as time passes too.  I know that we'll develop our schedules and soon be busier than we'd like, but right now I feel like we are just coasting - floating along waiting for a bump to set us on a course.  We'll meet people and have our friends in this new place, our apartment will soon feel like our home.  I know this, but in the mean time, blah. Jason and I intentionally chose to live

Do you know what is difficult to do?  Mourn shamefully.  I've been trying this entire week to figure out a way to mourn the loss of my father that would allow me to move on - because the last thing I want is to spend anymore time crying over this man.  Imagine you are the child of someone like Gary Ridgeway or Charles Manson, and your father, afore mentioned bad guy, was actually pretty great as far as the parenting thing went, but also had this ugly side.  How do you mourn that?  People around you are thinking, "Yes! The human race just improved with that death!" and you agree with them, but are so, so sad on the inside.  What do you do with that?  Mourn the father, hate the man?  Not so easy to pull them apart. My brother was saddled with the late life and after life care of my father.  He flew into Seattle to handle all the death related business.  Unfortunately, my father's ashes were not done in time for my brother to pick them up and spread them.  This task w

Jason and I were seriously nervous about the trip home.  We weren't sure how customs would be and we had a ton of luggage so we were worried about each individual piece of our trip and how that would go with our mountain of belongings. Let me begin by telling you all the things that went wrong: 1.... Nothing!  It was flipping fabulous!  First off, we had a super nice taxi driver that took us to the bus depot.  He was able to fit all our bags aside from one and 2 of us into his little car.  When I say all our bags I mean 7 checked bags, 1 long walking stick, two larger carry ons, and 4 "personal items" - back packs.  We had a lot.  Jaxon and I rode to the bus depot, Jason and Lily walked with the extra bag.  I am not mentioning that the previous day a super nice Japanese lady stopped on the street to help us find the location of our bus and helped us schedule a taxi. So, we go to the bus, rode for nearly 3 hours, got the airport, all stress free.  We had to wait an

The call came - the one that I predicted would come.  My brother called to tell me that my father had died.  It was Monday morning in Japan, Sunday evening here in the States.  Jason, the kids and I were sitting in our living room, surrounded by all our packed luggage, waiting four our taxi to take us on the first steps of our journey home.  He passed more quickly than any of us really expected, before I was able to come home.  He'd had lung cancer, brain cancer, and complications from the surgery to remove the tumors in his brain.  He wasn't ever well after the surgery, but the last straw for him was pneumonia. I had no idea how I would feel when he died, and even now that he is gone I don't know how I feel.  I keep getting caught up in the sad emotion that now I have no dad, my dad is gone, I'll never see my dad again.  But, in all honestly, we were not close to begin with.  I hadn't need him in 16 years or so and wasn't planning to see him again.  I do have

Here is a blog I have been waiting a long time to write - we finally have a plan for life once we get back to the US.  It has been such an emotional whirlwind here for us as we have worked to wrap things up here and come home.  I haven't been able to write about a lot of it because  there was a lot of uncertainly and change.  I didn't want to announce something and then have to renounce it when it changed...which almost happened.  So, here we go. When we decided to come home we asked our family if they would be willing to support us for a while when we got there if we needed it.  We weren't sure about being able to find jobs and we aren't coming home with a big bankroll to live off of.  Our family has been more than supportive and willing to provide whatever help we need.  Neither of us want to have to ask for help - "Hey Mom, I know I'm a grown up with my own children, but can you pay my credit card bill for me?  And, hey, I need groceries and my car needs g

Wow! I have over 10,000 page views!  On my little blog turned journal.  This whole thing started as a way to keep in touch with family and friends as we lived overseas - and it has become so much more to me.  I look forward to writing, to posting, to getting responses.  Like I said, this has become like a diary to me. And, of all the people I began writing this for - I had some specific people in mind - only one of them regularly reads! Thanks LO!  Anyway, I'm excited by the page views - I am excited that people are reading what I have to say, or at least clicking on the links and looking for pics!  I am an aspiring writer...if nothing else, this works for now. Thanks for reading!  I plan to keep the blog going as we head back to the US.  I'm not sure how much I will have to write about there but, as long as there is something every now and then, I will keep going. Thank you!!!

I need a sticker chart.  Or a reward jar.  Or one of those machines in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that determines whether you are a good egg or a bad egg.  See, I just need to know whether what I am doing is good and right.  (Please hold the comments that are flying through your head until later - I know that I am my own worst judge, that only I can determine if what I am doing is good or right, and that if it feels right to me then it is...I know that.  I really know it, but I don't always feel it.) Everyday we do things - make choices, that will have an impact on later.  Some people are researchers and pour over information, digesting any and all related info that they can find before making a move.  Me, I am more of a shoot from the hip kind of person - plan in the moment or in other words, don't plan at all.  I didn't sit down before the kids were born and say I am going to raise them this way and that way, I want them to do this and that.  Of course there were

One thing that I have gained by living outside the US is a new appreciation for the difficulty immigrants have when trying to set up a new life in a new place.  It's kind of funny...here we are the immigrants, the foreigners, the crazy gaijin (literally means foreign person) that don't speak the language and need all kinds of help. Here we get pats on the back for our bravery, lauding for our courageous spirit, an A for our effort. But, back home, we hear things like, "You know, they should really learn to speak our language.  They are living here, in our country..."  I have heard that so many times.  It's never bothered me, immigrants into the US that can't speak English, but I also never put any thought into how difficult life must be for them either. One example...to live and work in another country you have to have the proper paperwork, otherwise you are an illegal alien.  (Such a controversial topic in the US...).  Here we need a visa.  Every person

We have several bucket list items that we would love to - but will not- accomplish before we leave Japan.  I guess that means that someday we will just have to come back!  Anyway, one item on the list that we decided we must do this time was visit Tokyo Disney.  We are only living 1.5 hours away by train and we do have two kids...it just makes sense to do it now. Tokyo Disneyland is actually two parks - Disneyland and Disney Sea.  We could've done one or both.  After talking to people and reading a bunch of reviews we decided to do just one park, Disney Sea.  Disneyland here is said to be much like Disney everywhere else, but Disney Sea is unique in that this is the only one. We didn't tell the kids where we were going, just that we had to go into the city to do something important before we left.  5 AM wake ups! Once the kids realized where we were going they were super excited!  When you get off the train at the station near Disney you then get on a special monorail that