Mixed Blessings
I was really fortunate to face the school year with two job offers. Living in the area that I live where there seems to be more teachers than jobs and everyone knows everyone, I was concerned that I would not find a position for myself. The first job I was offered was to teach Math and Science with what I could tell was a great team of women at a really low income school. The job was only .6, so not full time, but it was supposed to go full time before the year started. I accepted. I love science. Not so much math. I can do it but it bores me...I didn't care. I was excited. Then I got the offer to teach full time, language arts. The team was less inviting but the day in, day out seemed better. English over math? Yes please! So I switched. I have wondered since then if I made the right choice and I am often left in the corner thinking...no.
Here are the blessings: first, two job offers in a pretty competitive environment. Then, family was really supportive in helping me prepare for my new role - which included a lot of studying, worrying, and shopping. Also, Jason has really helped pick up the slack that has developed since I am now away from home all day. He's not only been supportive emotionally, but in all the domestic ways possible. Another blessing - I like my students. Mostly. There are certainly a few I would rather not have, but who doesn't feel that way? Besides, I've known them all of two weeks. I guess it is hardly the time for me to be making judgments. So, I like my kids.
So, the mixed part? I accepted the second job and wasn't really told what all my roles would be. I asked, what's the job? The answer, teaching special ed English. That I can do. What they didn't tell me was that I am the Work Experience Coordinator, the Transition Planner (or something) and that I would have no curriculum. That's right - there is no plan in place, no program for these kids to follow. They just want me to come there everyday and create it all myself. Now, I get that some teachers would love that. give me 5 years of experience and I might love that too. But for me, green, new, fresh on the market, I want a book to follow. I want a general idea of what I am supposed to teach these kids. And, I want to focus on that, not on transition planning and work experience. Then came caseload management. Every kid in the special education program has a case manager. We have enough students in our program that I have been assigned 28 kids. That is small by some standards (think Seattle) but large by my oh-my-G! you want me to do what? standards. Being the case manager means that every year I am responsible for writing a new Individual Education Plan for each of my kids. These are reports that can be anywhere from 10 to LOTS of pages. They involve all kinds of tests, measures, contact with teachers, etc. Each one requires a meeting with a wide array of people including the parents and administration at the school. Now, to the seasoned teacher these are alright - they take time but are not overwhelming. To me they are like hieroglyphics. Today I looked at the list of my case load for the first time and I have 15 of these due between now and Thanksgiving. To say that I was disenchanted would be an understatement. I am fried. Two weeks in and I am already to throw in the towel.
I guess I just feel that it is too much. All at once. You know? I've asked for help and people are willing but they are still speaking a foreign language to me. I know that in a few months I will be fine. I will understand all these reports, all the legalese, the adaptions and services being offered. I don't need a pep talk. I don't need to be told I can do it or that I will be great. I need someone to come sit with me, hold my hand, and help me do my first 2 or 3 IEPs. I need someone to explain to me why I am going to pour over reports and hound teachers for information that I am going to put into a report that (probably) no one will really read and will not be implemented. Example: Many IEPs call for the student to be put in small classes. It has been determined (by someone high up in WA) that small classes where Special Ed is concerned means 12. My classes are 16 and 17 and growing everyday. I have a para-educator but even with the two of us there are kids not getting the help they need. I have 12th graders reading and writing at the kindergarten level. How does being among 16 other kids that are not in the same place help them? What do I do with all my other kids while I teach him or her to read? I could go on...the bright eyes and bushy tail have left the building. I am seeing why so many teachers leave special ed.
I can't even begin to tell you about my students. In my four walls they are pretty good. I have a few that like to growl at me, stare at me with daggers, curse and swear at me. They threaten violence but I have not seen it yet. Those kids do tend to get to me a little. But so do the several kids I have that have criminal records with weapons charges, sexual offenses, and drug charges. I have students that have to be escorted everywhere they go for the safety of others. It's a little unnerving at times. But, they are good. I think they want to be anyway.
So, that's the mixed part. I like my kids, I want to help. But I don't have the tools or the time. There isn't enough. I know lots of general ed teachers that feel exactly the same as they are faced with class sizes of 30 and more. 30 kids in one class is so many! No matter the level. I am kind of hating where our educational system is going.
What are your thoughts? Do you feel like our kids are being offered a disservice by our system or are they getting something great? I hope that no matter what I fail at this year, I still manage to get something good out to my kids.
Here are the blessings: first, two job offers in a pretty competitive environment. Then, family was really supportive in helping me prepare for my new role - which included a lot of studying, worrying, and shopping. Also, Jason has really helped pick up the slack that has developed since I am now away from home all day. He's not only been supportive emotionally, but in all the domestic ways possible. Another blessing - I like my students. Mostly. There are certainly a few I would rather not have, but who doesn't feel that way? Besides, I've known them all of two weeks. I guess it is hardly the time for me to be making judgments. So, I like my kids.
So, the mixed part? I accepted the second job and wasn't really told what all my roles would be. I asked, what's the job? The answer, teaching special ed English. That I can do. What they didn't tell me was that I am the Work Experience Coordinator, the Transition Planner (or something) and that I would have no curriculum. That's right - there is no plan in place, no program for these kids to follow. They just want me to come there everyday and create it all myself. Now, I get that some teachers would love that. give me 5 years of experience and I might love that too. But for me, green, new, fresh on the market, I want a book to follow. I want a general idea of what I am supposed to teach these kids. And, I want to focus on that, not on transition planning and work experience. Then came caseload management. Every kid in the special education program has a case manager. We have enough students in our program that I have been assigned 28 kids. That is small by some standards (think Seattle) but large by my oh-my-G! you want me to do what? standards. Being the case manager means that every year I am responsible for writing a new Individual Education Plan for each of my kids. These are reports that can be anywhere from 10 to LOTS of pages. They involve all kinds of tests, measures, contact with teachers, etc. Each one requires a meeting with a wide array of people including the parents and administration at the school. Now, to the seasoned teacher these are alright - they take time but are not overwhelming. To me they are like hieroglyphics. Today I looked at the list of my case load for the first time and I have 15 of these due between now and Thanksgiving. To say that I was disenchanted would be an understatement. I am fried. Two weeks in and I am already to throw in the towel.
I guess I just feel that it is too much. All at once. You know? I've asked for help and people are willing but they are still speaking a foreign language to me. I know that in a few months I will be fine. I will understand all these reports, all the legalese, the adaptions and services being offered. I don't need a pep talk. I don't need to be told I can do it or that I will be great. I need someone to come sit with me, hold my hand, and help me do my first 2 or 3 IEPs. I need someone to explain to me why I am going to pour over reports and hound teachers for information that I am going to put into a report that (probably) no one will really read and will not be implemented. Example: Many IEPs call for the student to be put in small classes. It has been determined (by someone high up in WA) that small classes where Special Ed is concerned means 12. My classes are 16 and 17 and growing everyday. I have a para-educator but even with the two of us there are kids not getting the help they need. I have 12th graders reading and writing at the kindergarten level. How does being among 16 other kids that are not in the same place help them? What do I do with all my other kids while I teach him or her to read? I could go on...the bright eyes and bushy tail have left the building. I am seeing why so many teachers leave special ed.
I can't even begin to tell you about my students. In my four walls they are pretty good. I have a few that like to growl at me, stare at me with daggers, curse and swear at me. They threaten violence but I have not seen it yet. Those kids do tend to get to me a little. But so do the several kids I have that have criminal records with weapons charges, sexual offenses, and drug charges. I have students that have to be escorted everywhere they go for the safety of others. It's a little unnerving at times. But, they are good. I think they want to be anyway.
So, that's the mixed part. I like my kids, I want to help. But I don't have the tools or the time. There isn't enough. I know lots of general ed teachers that feel exactly the same as they are faced with class sizes of 30 and more. 30 kids in one class is so many! No matter the level. I am kind of hating where our educational system is going.
What are your thoughts? Do you feel like our kids are being offered a disservice by our system or are they getting something great? I hope that no matter what I fail at this year, I still manage to get something good out to my kids.
You can do this.
ReplyDeleteI started working as a one-on-one para last December. The classroom I was in was excellent (except for one of the 4 other paras). She graduated and now we are in the Employment Transition Program. My student is deaf and has Autistic tendencies. She can't read and signs very little. I adore working with her but I can see how people burn out so quickly....well, it seems they burn out quickly or they stay forever.
I have a son with an IEP so, I've been on the other side of the table many times and have read numerous reports.
I have so much to say but I know you're tired so, here it is. You are smart and determined enough to not let this beat you. Simplify. Write a student's name and what need is not being met and then how to meet the need. Then the accommodations (what you need to meet the needs). That's it. You can always expand but start with just the student.
Our educational system is broken. Low pay, too many kids, no resources...but it is also the most rewarding. It won't pay my bills but it fills my heart.
Having said all that, some situations are just not good. Management in any situation can make it or break it. I wish I could be there to help. We'd make a formidable team. :)