Sanity
I have a set siblings from each of my parents first marriages and a set of step-brothers from my step-dad of 23 years. Altogether I have 6 siblings, 3 brothers, 3 sisters. None of these brothers and sisters are my full sibling, each only sharing one parent or none in the case of my step-brothers. I am on only child with many sibs. Growing up each of my brothers and sisters lived under the same roof as me at one point or another, except one - my oldest brother on my Dad's side. He was never around when I was growing up. He was a busy teenager and kind of a punk. Rightly so - he didn't really belong anywhere. My childhood home was no place for him as he and my Mom are just not cut out to be even near each other and his own Mom was busy having her own life and not too concerned with raising children from a previous marriage. So, he grew up chipped and broken.
We had no relationship to speak of until later - he was in his early 20's and was shipped off to Desert Storm. I was a kid - maybe 11 or 12. I don't know why, but he wrote me a letter and it all began. I instantly idolized this mysterious brother of mine. We were close for a bit, but later that fell apart due to family stuff. Move forward more than a decade, and we are back. During our little respite we both grew and changed. I married, had a family, he did the same. One day for some unknown reason, I reached out to him. We began emailing and now we've visited each other a couple times. Our relationship is still young at only a few years old, but this time I'm pretty sure it's solid enough to last.
What kind of amazes me is that we are so similar. We didn't grow up together at all, our upbringings were very different, and yet, we are cut from the same cloth. We were talking the other day and he and I are both feeling similar struggles right now - but from very difference circumstances of course. He is a new father again. He has two daughters from his previous marriage, they are 25ish and 16. Now he has 1 year old twin boys. He is tired of course - that would be tiring for anyone. The challenge? Constant togtherness, constant contact, constant neediness. Work all day, babies all night, no time to regroup and have a solitary thought.
I remember having new babies and everyone telling me how important it was to get out, have some time to myself. That's where he's at right now. Surprisingly, I'm there too, minus the babies. Everyone needs alone time once in a while, but he and I are a little more needy I guess. (I'm sure we are not special in this, it is not an exclusive club.) We need time to recharge on a pretty regular basis or we go a little crazy and get quite moody. I know it's hard to imagine me moody...just try. My new life here in Tokyo affords me no time alone. None. The kids and I walk to school together, walk home together, stay together all evening, and do it all over the next day. Weekends? We're together. I can't just send them off to play, you know how kids are, they fight, need things, etc. I can't go hide in my room, the door to my room is paper and might as well not even be there. I can't even seem to pee alone...we have one bathroom and the kids like to hang out right outside the door while I'm in there.
The kids are only 8 and 10 years old, so I cannot expect them to be self sufficient, nor do I want them to be, at least not completely. But, BUT, I would love a little less need some of the time. I would love a few hours here and there of silence, time to use my way. I know the answer to this already - I need to get out. Go for walks, take up a hobby, get back to my crafts I used to love to do, etc. The challenge is that Jason is not here (he works opposite schedule to me and the kids). Doing anything like that means leaving the kids home alone or taking them with me. Either situation means I might as well not even do it as the relaxation is gone. So, that's where I am right now, swimming in circles inside my own head.
I'd love some suggestions - what do you do to save your sanity?
We had no relationship to speak of until later - he was in his early 20's and was shipped off to Desert Storm. I was a kid - maybe 11 or 12. I don't know why, but he wrote me a letter and it all began. I instantly idolized this mysterious brother of mine. We were close for a bit, but later that fell apart due to family stuff. Move forward more than a decade, and we are back. During our little respite we both grew and changed. I married, had a family, he did the same. One day for some unknown reason, I reached out to him. We began emailing and now we've visited each other a couple times. Our relationship is still young at only a few years old, but this time I'm pretty sure it's solid enough to last.
What kind of amazes me is that we are so similar. We didn't grow up together at all, our upbringings were very different, and yet, we are cut from the same cloth. We were talking the other day and he and I are both feeling similar struggles right now - but from very difference circumstances of course. He is a new father again. He has two daughters from his previous marriage, they are 25ish and 16. Now he has 1 year old twin boys. He is tired of course - that would be tiring for anyone. The challenge? Constant togtherness, constant contact, constant neediness. Work all day, babies all night, no time to regroup and have a solitary thought.
I remember having new babies and everyone telling me how important it was to get out, have some time to myself. That's where he's at right now. Surprisingly, I'm there too, minus the babies. Everyone needs alone time once in a while, but he and I are a little more needy I guess. (I'm sure we are not special in this, it is not an exclusive club.) We need time to recharge on a pretty regular basis or we go a little crazy and get quite moody. I know it's hard to imagine me moody...just try. My new life here in Tokyo affords me no time alone. None. The kids and I walk to school together, walk home together, stay together all evening, and do it all over the next day. Weekends? We're together. I can't just send them off to play, you know how kids are, they fight, need things, etc. I can't go hide in my room, the door to my room is paper and might as well not even be there. I can't even seem to pee alone...we have one bathroom and the kids like to hang out right outside the door while I'm in there.
The kids are only 8 and 10 years old, so I cannot expect them to be self sufficient, nor do I want them to be, at least not completely. But, BUT, I would love a little less need some of the time. I would love a few hours here and there of silence, time to use my way. I know the answer to this already - I need to get out. Go for walks, take up a hobby, get back to my crafts I used to love to do, etc. The challenge is that Jason is not here (he works opposite schedule to me and the kids). Doing anything like that means leaving the kids home alone or taking them with me. Either situation means I might as well not even do it as the relaxation is gone. So, that's where I am right now, swimming in circles inside my own head.
I'd love some suggestions - what do you do to save your sanity?
All this being said, of course we are better now than we were before. The kids are happy, I love my job. A big improvement in many areas.
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