Simple Life

Do you know what is difficult to do?  Mourn shamefully.  I've been trying this entire week to figure out a way to mourn the loss of my father that would allow me to move on - because the last thing I want is to spend anymore time crying over this man.  Imagine you are the child of someone like Gary Ridgeway or Charles Manson, and your father, afore mentioned bad guy, was actually pretty great as far as the parenting thing went, but also had this ugly side.  How do you mourn that?  People around you are thinking, "Yes! The human race just improved with that death!" and you agree with them, but are so, so sad on the inside.  What do you do with that?  Mourn the father, hate the man?  Not so easy to pull them apart. My brother was saddled with the late life and after life care of my father.  He flew into Seattle to handle all the death related business.  Unfortunately, my father's ashes were not done in time for my brother to pick them u...

Jason and I were seriously nervous about the trip home.  We weren't sure how customs would be and we had a ton of luggage so we were worried about each individual piece of our trip and how that would go with our mountain of belongings. Let me begin by telling you all the things that went wrong: 1.... Nothing!  It was flipping fabulous!  First off, we had a super nice taxi driver that took us to the bus depot.  He was able to fit all our bags aside from one and 2 of us into his little car.  When I say all our bags I mean 7 checked bags, 1 long walking stick, two larger carry ons, and 4 "personal items" - back packs.  We had a lot.  Jaxon and I rode to the bus depot, Jason and Lily walked with the extra bag.  I am not mentioning that the previous day a super nice Japanese lady stopped on the street to help us find the location of our bus and helped us schedule a taxi. So, we go to the bus, rode for nearly 3 hours, got the airport, all stress ...

The call came - the one that I predicted would come.  My brother called to tell me that my father had died.  It was Monday morning in Japan, Sunday evening here in the States.  Jason, the kids and I were sitting in our living room, surrounded by all our packed luggage, waiting four our taxi to take us on the first steps of our journey home.  He passed more quickly than any of us really expected, before I was able to come home.  He'd had lung cancer, brain cancer, and complications from the surgery to remove the tumors in his brain.  He wasn't ever well after the surgery, but the last straw for him was pneumonia. I had no idea how I would feel when he died, and even now that he is gone I don't know how I feel.  I keep getting caught up in the sad emotion that now I have no dad, my dad is gone, I'll never see my dad again.  But, in all honestly, we were not close to begin with.  I hadn't need him in 16 years or so and wasn't planning to see h...

Here is a blog I have been waiting a long time to write - we finally have a plan for life once we get back to the US.  It has been such an emotional whirlwind here for us as we have worked to wrap things up here and come home.  I haven't been able to write about a lot of it because  there was a lot of uncertainly and change.  I didn't want to announce something and then have to renounce it when it changed...which almost happened.  So, here we go. When we decided to come home we asked our family if they would be willing to support us for a while when we got there if we needed it.  We weren't sure about being able to find jobs and we aren't coming home with a big bankroll to live off of.  Our family has been more than supportive and willing to provide whatever help we need.  Neither of us want to have to ask for help - "Hey Mom, I know I'm a grown up with my own children, but can you pay my credit card bill for me?  And, hey, I need groceries...

Wow! I have over 10,000 page views!  On my little blog turned journal.  This whole thing started as a way to keep in touch with family and friends as we lived overseas - and it has become so much more to me.  I look forward to writing, to posting, to getting responses.  Like I said, this has become like a diary to me. And, of all the people I began writing this for - I had some specific people in mind - only one of them regularly reads! Thanks LO!  Anyway, I'm excited by the page views - I am excited that people are reading what I have to say, or at least clicking on the links and looking for pics!  I am an aspiring writer...if nothing else, this works for now. Thanks for reading!  I plan to keep the blog going as we head back to the US.  I'm not sure how much I will have to write about there but, as long as there is something every now and then, I will keep going. Thank you!!!

I need a sticker chart.  Or a reward jar.  Or one of those machines in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that determines whether you are a good egg or a bad egg.  See, I just need to know whether what I am doing is good and right.  (Please hold the comments that are flying through your head until later - I know that I am my own worst judge, that only I can determine if what I am doing is good or right, and that if it feels right to me then it is...I know that.  I really know it, but I don't always feel it.) Everyday we do things - make choices, that will have an impact on later.  Some people are researchers and pour over information, digesting any and all related info that they can find before making a move.  Me, I am more of a shoot from the hip kind of person - plan in the moment or in other words, don't plan at all.  I didn't sit down before the kids were born and say I am going to raise them this way and that way, I want them to do this and ...