Happy

I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness. It’s an elusive thing - being happy. One minute we think we have it, then it’s gone. If you think about it, isn’t almost everything we do in the pursuit of happiness? We work to make money, to secure a future, to be happy. We marry, have children, have friends, all the be happy. Even the little things that we do are often in an attempt to secure a glimpse of happy. Or, at least, not miserable. Maybe we aren’t drinking our coffee or wearing comfortable clothes all in the grand attempt toward bliss, but we are trying to avoid miserable. Not miserable is better than miserable, and a little closer to happy.


I do not have the answer to achieving happy, or even content. But, I’ve come to realize a few things. Mostly, people cannot make you happy. They can please you, make you feel amazing and wonderful, but the happy has to be from you. I have it pretty great - awesome kids, the best husband, and a unique life that I enjoy - all of which would be lost and wasted if I didn’t have an inner sense of happy.


Where is all this coming from? Leading to? It started with a conversation between a student and I. She asked me, “When have you been the happiest?” My answer surprised me, and led me to realize that so many of the major moves and elements in my life were there as a result of looking for that missing happy. Then, when I had it, really truly grasped it, I let it go. This is all a good thing you see - upon reaching happy, and feeling the peace and contentment that it provided me - I was able to move on to something new and different. I was moving away - much like I had done many times before, only this time the baggage was a lot lighter (literally and figuratively). Packing up happy and keeping it with you really doesn’t take much room, but once you have it, you figure out that you don’t need much else.


This post is really intended as a letter to myself. I am not walking around on some cloud of enlightenment and leaving a path of daisies where ever I go - I am still human and still very much me - the Tawnya you all know that thrives and feeds of a little bit of...miserable. I am still seeking, and wanting. I still covet and desire. I know I won’t soon stop any of these things. But, if I can have a few moments of clarity every now and then - a few moments of the happy I know is there - I will feel all the better. Sometimes I think we just need to stop and remind ourselves of what we have, take a little inventory of what fills our lives rather than what doesn’t.

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